The ‘Bubbles’ of Time and Space…

Its raining tonight, I wonder how long has it been since the last time I actually ‘enjoyed’ this weather. Nowadays the nostalgia that I used to get whenever it rained doesn’t feel the same anymore. Maybe because I’m running out of time, or simply because I just don’t have much to think or feel about concerning the past.

Somehow  things have changed a lot over the years; yet in some way nothing much did. I can’t explain that last sentence, I myself am ‘lost’ right now.

Ever had those moments? I mean, you know you have been through a lot of transitions in life for the past, say, 5 or so years. Yet you can’t help but feel like you have been static all this time; unmoving, unevolving, unaltered, not physically, or spiritually; nor mentally. Somehow you even feel, in such an enigmatic way that even ‘time’ doesn’t ‘move’ with you.

Purpose, that is an ‘anchor’ that we all could  use in this unending, bizarre & subconsciously manifested realm in which some of us are experiencing. Though, I know it will ‘pass’ as is should be for everyone else, maybe one day when my ‘time’ comes and  snatch me far away to  an immaterial plane of non-existence, while simultaneously clinging unto a galaxy in which the only known intelligent(just because we’re at the top of the food-chain) sentient being would be one that happens to be a carbon-based life form.

Looking outside my window, its’ still raining. But I’m not just looking at the rain~drops(not like I can identify each raindrops that falls mind you); nor am I smelling the wet-earth or the feel of the cold night breeze; it’s more like I’m being a part of it all.

“Yeah, someone is really losing his marbles. “ Don’t blame you for saying that, or thinking that way. I kinda’ think the same. But then again when some is losing his marbles, that person wouldn’t know he is losing his marbles in the first place, would he? Even if a shrink tells him so.

Let me see, how do I put it…it’s like…like being stuck in a ‘bubble of time and space’ while everyone and everything around you kept living, moving, changing within their own existences.

But then again, who knows; it is a long road …and it gets harder to see as you tread upon; so tread lightly whenever you can. Yes it’s true, when you tend to have so many of these questions; one tends to get lost in ones’ own world.

And as your journey gets hazy, you can’t help but feel disoriented from all that life throws at you.

And as day turns to night, the more precarious your journey will be… the path stretches and coils out to the ends too far for the eyes to see. I’m not looking for a light at the end of the tunnel. Cause right now I feel like I am that tunnel.

I could care less about that light, knowing where I am headed…

What I’m looking for is… peace within thy self…Not much to ask eh?

Cheerz you ‘blogo-heads’ & see you on the ‘other’ side…

A Prologue to the ‘Reboot of an Old Blog…”

Thievery in its’ truest form, we’ve seen them all in movies and what~not. Sometimes even happening in front of our eyes and sometimes, actually more often than not; we turn the other way~because that ‘theft’ that occurred a few seconds ago did not involve us directly cause nothing was stolen from you just that it happened to someone.

Yes, a weird subject to ‘re-boot’ a somewhat dead blog… but hear me out; no wait, actually hear him AND her out. You really should. Trust me, especially to all the professional and/or aspiring amateur photographers out there.

A li’l help from the Websters’ dictionary of what the word ‘theft’ means :~

“Theft, in law, is usually the broadest term for a crime against property. It is a general term that encompasses offences such as burglary, embezzlement, larceny, looting, robbery, and/or criminal conversion. Legally, theft is generally considered to be synonymous with larceny.

In the common law theft is usually defined as the unauthorised taking or use of someone else’s property with the intent to deprive the owner or the person with rightful possession of that property or its use.”

A…. more shorter version from dictionary.com would be ~

“–noun, plural thieves. a person who steals, esp. secretly or without open force; one guilty of theft or larceny.”

If you’ve went to their blogs, you’d understand why I write about this particular word or act. A columnarius for a subject is weird indeed; actually ‘re-booting’ this blog is an even weirder act in itself~but we’ll get to that another day; funny, I had 17 readers on monday…who would still be reading this blog..hmm.

Anyway..back to my subject..what I don’t understand is, why would you go out spending so so much money for your event to officiate your clone website but you can’t even afford to hire your own photographers?

So much so that you’d stoop down to stealing images from other sites’, even worse is that you DENIED any responsibility, knowledge, collaboration and/or intent of said act of theft. Compared to the original , its’ still a pretty terrible cropping.

Deny – from Websters’ Dictionary~ (the words in ‘blue‘ are my own ok, they would never put ThAT in their dictionaries..duuh.)

Verb

1. Declare untrue; contradict; ‘Hell NO, I wasn’t drunk or half asleep when I myself saw the image!’

2. Refuse to accept or believe; ‘If I stuck a 10,ooo volts cattle-prod up your arse, I’ll make you a believer!

3. Refuse to grant, as of a petition or request; ‘Oh, why not eh? Stolen so many from other people why should you start paying now right?’

Yes, yes… images are stolen from photographers for the benefit of such companies and/or corporations is quite rampant on the net…BUT in this particular case it is very, very, VeRy~PersonaL to Me. There are reasons why it is. Sometimes some people are so full of life and try living it with style; sadly they fail with epict proportions that in the end they are more like living life filled with shit.

I wouldn’t want to turn this ‘re-boot’ into a screwed-up dictionary~blog so that’s all for the definitions.

And as a last note.  To the traitors that jumped my ship and went to join the Enemy; know THIS ~

Karma; is NOT what you will get in return for screwing other people.

Karma; is what WILL happen to YOU when you decide…

TO..

ScReW..

WITH..

PeoPle !!!

P.S : Next post up soon… might be interesting as well.. ngee hee haww harr!

…and every beginning …has an end…

For every beginning there must be an end… and the end of this blog has come. Certain priorities have been thrust upon me especially close to the end of the year.. and I must get to them.. but to those that know me well, tis’ not the reason why I’m closing this blog for good. This blogs’ journey must come to an end..

First time I started malleus21.wordpress.com was …. to find my answer…to find meaning.. to find… my ‘closure’.. It was a journey worth remembering for the rest of my existence and no matter what people have said in the past did not matter…cause what people say about you is NONE of your business, its theirs.

Whats in the past NEVER did matter, and I failed to learn that earlier than I ought to; but I have reached my closure; my ‘enlightenment’ if you will ladies and gentlemen. Some of you might be asking why not wait the year end? Well, somethings in life you simply cannot delay any longer.

“..careful when you’re digging up the past, you might just find what you’ve been looking for..” which is more BS in my case… but a good BS… ok that ’sounded’ wrong didn’t it… look at it this way… a burden have been lifted from my chest, thats’ the best I can explain it. Qada & Qadar is what my ‘people’ calls it.. and I’ve come to terms with it.. with a calm and soothed heart and soul I finally have… but with great heaviness and utter indisposition, I have to end this blog.

To those that is new to this blog you might find the rest ‘utterly’ boring(starting with this paragraph), so I apologize to both friends and family beforehand. So I dedicate this last of last enrty, last of last post, my last ‘drop of soul’ to my closest of friends and family who have contributed directly in my journey {in no particular order}; Borneon Ninja, Radzie, Eshark, .. and to everyone in the blogosphere out there.

A very, very special thanks and respect to both Fina and Tania, for making my journey that much less agonizing through out this year. (Sorry peeps can’t really ‘link’ Fina or Tania.. and the answer is NO, they are not fictional.. I’m ending a blog, not writing a suicide note) And a special thanks to Matt (wordpress Big-Boss).

I’m neither good with poems nor poetry… but what else may I write upon this last entry?…

In less than a year I have found my closure,

A grand play designed by by own fear,

A theater of my own creation,

Unknowing of its nature upon completion.

With every breath I strive to find,

What has been bothering my feeble mind,

With every step my burdens are lessened,

with every second my soul is weakened.

Writing in the dark upon a note pad I did,

keeping me warm through this cold night they did,

with my close friends from perhaps Europe & America,

by the names of Jack Daniels and Chivas haha!!

My acquaintance lying next to me I kind of forgotten the name,

I’ll probably wait till she wakes up cause I find this quite lame,

when I could be typing all this without effort in a PC,

you’d expect to see a laptop around since she owns a Beemer M3.

Men are weird creatures aren’t we? ,

I still could not understand you see,

Finding remedy for a wound caused by the same ‘venom’,

This fact and reality I could never fathom.

I had to write down what is pouring out of me,

So I wouldn’t lose anything precious & pure to me,

of course by now you are reading this in its electronic form,

unless a tree fell down and knocked the cables down cause of a storm.

Everyone has their own ‘fuel’ in life,

Simply to live longer and survive,

This world is already in a complete mess,

I’m merely trying to cope up just like the rest.

There are many like me & then there are not,

one thing for sure a hypocrite I am not,

I’m merely saying we live our lives the way we see fit,

hoping to see the light one day even though only a glimmer bit by bit.

Upon my barren wasteland I carefully tread,

my footsteps slow but my foot prints quickly fade,

one wrong step or one wrong turn I know I shall fall,

into the great abyss which its’ name I cannot recall.

What I taste and feel in the real world,

full of life, laughter and even shiny pearl,

is far different from what is underneath this facade,

empty dark voids which cannot be filled with even a Mardi-Gras parade.

But seeing those sights, sounds and colors,

full of smiles cheers and rich with culture,

from within Borneo my own backyard,

having traveled so far it eases the agony and pain is less hard.

waiting for Ninja for an hour as he uses the lodges toilet,

almost wanted to break the door down with a mallet,

but the panoramic views and ‘the drunken-helmet’ guy was funny and amazing,

even though deep inside at that time I was still tormented and agonizing,

the chick at the bar was quite a looker too,

and yes Zie, she lives in Luyang I knew,

the village was lilke something I pictured in a dream,

only that in my dreams the dancers were Japanese and Latinas it seems.

The ‘tour’ was great and an adventure worth writing about,

and yes it will be logged in borneotrekkerz from time to time no doubt!

for sure a lot in the ‘circle’ wants to know,

what else happened while we were at the ’southern” tip of Borneo?

the rhyming is off, of that I am sure,

what else can I say about my closure,

except for the fact that I started it for a reason,

and since I’ve done with my search I am complacent.

complacent of the fact that I have been given the answers,

to my questions along  my journey so arduous,

though I should’ve expected the ‘unexpected’,

so that once I found them the wounds could still be treated.

but the answers that I have discovered were far from comforting,

the fact that I actually reached the end of this journey is more than a blessing,

we as human beings cannot expect too much of this life,

we can only aspire to better ourselves and face all challenges or strife,

A suffering you feel today would be felt by another tomorrow,

but you will never know what kind of torment they’re going through;what kind of sorrow,

and if you think for a second you have had or is having the worst fate than the rest,

just remember we are mere micro specks of life and the world is already a mess.

but that doesn’t mean that our lives must end simply because the world seems to be,

just have to stick your chest out and keep your head up and face it with a glee,

so don’t wait for your ‘calling’ but instead chase it,

you’ll never know along your journey someone might take it,

Sometimes I amaze myself with the ‘opposites’

I thought I was kind of a ‘ditz’

But what has ‘transpired’ in that car,

Was Xander’s best moment of 2008 so far!!

There’s a reason why its’ always night somewhere around the world because its always daytime on the opposite side of the horizon. A fact that I learned a little too late, but at least I did and its’ better than never. I DID say I SucK at poems…

Last but not least… for 7 months… of the 7 years that I have wasted…

Farewell …

P.S: I’m not ‘dead’ per-se… you can still find me at lifeinborneo.com and borneonitez.com