Tears Don’t Fall. . .

Posted: May 27, 2008 in life
Tags: , , , , ,

Is crying..an escape to another place. To somewhere, where you can be anyone you wished you couldn’t in front of so many that you know..or don’t know? When one sheds’ his or her tears…will it really make things better. When one cries unexpectedly when receiving such good news of a newborn child; knowing that you are a mother/father now and life will be more beautiful. When it all happens so fast…if you feel your cheeks wet with tears running down from those eyes of yours…’where’ are you? Whats’ happening?

A joyous occasion or a painful tragedy. Whatever the case, tears flow easily from our eyes when situations like these arise. But what happens when…at a certain point…where you just can’t cry anymore. No matter how ‘strong’ the emotions running through you at that moment. Even as you lay your head on your pillow to sleep; the pain is so strong within and it somehow actually feels ‘physically’ agonizing. No matter how hard you try, not a single drop of tear fall from your eyes. Then what?

Does it mean you’re heartless? Without emotions. Without conscience and free of guilt? Or does it simply mean..you’re ‘growing up’…you’ve matured..and you’ve become ‘stronger’ now more than ever?…They say ‘don’t hold it in…let it out..yell or cry..’…what happens then when you can’t even yell or shout it out? You’re completely dumb-founded. You’re wondering to yourself..’Whats happening to me?’. And is it a good thing that you’re not crying? Not yelling it out?

Amongst the festivities and celebrations. Awesome events of joy and happiness..you’re at the corner of a large stage…thinking,..feeling…but not knowing why you just can’t let it out. When all these powerful emotions running through your mind..heart and soul. You just simply can’t understand the logic. What if you’re stuck in this limbo of enigma that is threatening your very being? Will you be stuck forever? Will you stop ‘feeling’ anything anymore?

What if by the end of the day…you are completely ‘stagnant’ deep inside..neither feeling happiness or sadness anymore? Will it lead to this? Nothing is black or white to you anymore…everything is completely ‘gray’. Will it drive you to madness and insecurity? Will it lead you to your doom and inevitable confusion for the rest of your life? You’re neither stuck on the past anymore..but you don’t feel like moving forward sometimes either…this situation completely baffles me.

Will I be saved in the future…more importantly do I want to be saved even? Have I ‘tailored’ myself so I won’t ‘feel anything’ anymore? Is that even possible…even this would lead to more questions. Unanswered as they are already. Are humans capable of this? Is there a scientific or psychiatric term for this condition? Everything’s bottled up inside and nowhere to go…do I need to break the bottle now? To say that I don’t care or don’t mind…I would be lying to myself…would be lying to yourself if you’re in my predicament too.

Only thing ‘running’ right now is my nose and this stupid flu. Maybe I got them from the ‘Hornbills’ but then again I didn’t get to see any this past weekend; I did get to see gorgeous women from our neighbours and exceptional performances; awesome as it were. Crazy…thats’ all I can say…and…blissful…amongst the joyous and memorable celebration of culture, colors and multiracial society; one sits in the corner feeling…or more appropriate unfeeling …anything.

A safety mechanism kicking in?…A powerful ’emotional and mental’ barrier subconsciously switched on after so long being dormant and unused maybe? …maybe…then again…maybe traveling to new places and seeing so many new faces…was the trigger that I needed…And maybe, I’m comfortable with it? Hmm…

I don’t fly around your ‘Fire’ anymore, burned inside and out so many times before … – Audioslave

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Comments
  1. massy says:

    I wish these kinda stuff would be easier, I mean the whole emotional wreck ppl go through. I wish I could be cold and heartless. Selfish if I may sound, I would wanna keep all the joys in my life and totally shut down everything of the opposite. But that’s not possible, people go through life experiencing anything and everything. I know some might thought life being unfair to them but that’s life, move on, whether u like it or not. You dun really have much choice, pick blue or red pill, which u dun really know of the content, it might let u move forward or let u go through a total break down. It’s a choice that u, and only u can make it, all the choices in life as for now, is the choices u make to move on.

    Crying, for some might be one of those things that could make a person feel better, but it’s temporary, only makes u feel better for a short period of time, it’s not totally gone. The only thing u could do, is to learn and live a better life.

    Anyways, yeah, I’m roughly going through sickness in this weather condition, but I’m all gewd now, hope u’ll be too. Eat em meds man, it’ll make u high! Ogie, that doesn’t really sound right but it’ll definitely make u feel less crappy. *peace

    I’m sorry if this is too long and partially doesn’t make sense *rofl. My brain is partially snoozing. Less thinking and more living 🙂

  2. elfiejane says:

    I don’t think it’s heartless if you can’t cry, it had happened to me before, when my cousin passed away. I was such in a state of shock that I didn’t cry until his funeral.

    Personally I hate crying though. I dunno, it makes me feel weak.

  3. Acom says:

    I think of crying as a cleansing process. And I mean literally. For the eyes. 🙂

    When if comes to grief, I think of crying as part of the whole process, usually the last. It’s the physical embodiment of the negative vibes I’m feeling. I try to let it all out within days of whatever happens that bothers me. I give myself time to grieve. Then I move on.

    I’ve never cried joyously, I think. I’ll have to wait and see how that feels like.

    Besides that, I cry while watching Petronas’ freakishly sad tv commercials. They always kill someone off. -_-

  4. massy says:

    Come to think of it, i never cry joyously oso..i’m weak..i cry when i’m frustrated T_T

  5. Xander says:

    LOL!! Petronas always freakishly kills someone off?..hahaah..shit thats damn funny!!…oh man..that was good..tee hee hee…yeah..im cryin’ NOW cause im laughing my ass off!!..

    Personally yeah I hate cryin’ too elfie; makes u feel like sum1 vomit into your gaping mouth and crap on you face. Still feel a bit weird to me cause I know I should ‘let it out’..but I just can’t; still wonderin’ why…

    Petronas kills ppl on TV..hehehe..damn it Acom i like that!!..kekekek..

  6. Acom says:

    *laughs*

    It’s true! They do! Come National Day, Petronas will try to break the record of “commercial that gets most Malaysians to cry”. It doesn’t send a very good message though. It’s as if Malaysians can and will only come together if one (or maybe more, I don’t know) people die. It’s ridiculous. But I watch them anyway. And I know I’ll cry. But, I watch them anyway. 😛

  7. Xander says:

    LOL!…makes you cry but still watch huh? tee hee hee; cool…:)

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