A journey…that has no end?

Posted: August 21, 2008 in life, ramblings

The destination was Kundasang. Green plush valleys and cold breeze. Wondrous and majestic view of the ominous and enigmatic Mount Kinabalu. Funny thing is, I can never get to have any good ‘shut-eye’ whenever I’m up here. Not at the mountain, just the area surrounding it of course. Not sure if they’d allow an asthmatic to hike up the mountain.

Kept wondering though. All the way up to Kinabalu Park. This particular journey I know where I am going. But…the other journey that I am taking,…this life that I am leading. ‘Where’ am I going? The journey that I am taking within myself. Where would it lead me? How will ‘it’ end? Most of all…will there be anyone around me when it ends .

My mind and spirit was totally focused on the job. It was absolute and firm. All within my grasp and to a certain point all in my control.

But then again,..the ‘other’ journey within me? That one is barely within my comprehension still. The turmoil that I still have to endure and cannot find the solution to. I guess thats one of the reasons why I could never sleep up there. Whether its in the valleys, or Kinabalu Park or even any of the lodges which dots the whole stretch of roads up there.

Finding myself awake still at 3:40 AM and seeing the bright light from the window shining through. It was the full moon illuminating the valleys with its glimmer of light. One of the brightest I’ve seen so far, with a few stars ‘sprinkled’ around. Very few…maybe something inside is screaming out…then again probably its the ‘voices’ in the winds that gives me the ‘vibes’ that I so much hate, gotta blame my blood for passing on to me that ‘spiritual’ stuffs, at least I got ‘Rid’ of my ‘third-eye’…now thats a whole different story.

Stars,..just like some sections of the highland roads leading to my destination that I passed going up…its ‘uncertain’,..its deceiving…its perilous…

**Sitting all alone in my head, forever feels like home…the Stars will Shine for you,…

But you can’t expect a bit of hope,…for the Stars will Lie to you…

So how much is real? …Its always different from what it Seems, never sure whats’ True..

If nothing feels real anymore…what else left to believe..except hoping for the best at the next bend..

Surviving purely on instinct & wisdom to make it through the Mist..maybe..just maybe someone will take your hand…

Screw it!..love my life, love my women*, love my family and definitely effin’-love my work…I gots no spare time for a dying immaterial essence known as,… Those who’ve followed this blog long enough knows what I’m talkin’ about. Cheers peeps…oh and..for those going up there for the Mt Kinabalu Climbathon, please drive safely and avoid any ‘blue-wira-of-doom’…The ninja has more details on that, so go and ‘bug him’ about it.

* > note that I did NOT say womAn. Its not meant to be a singular, NoT meant to be OnE Individual.

** > Excerpts/lines taken from Stone Sour…cheers!!

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Comments
  1. massy says:

    Oh yeah, remind me during the time when I was at Kundasang, as dead tired as I could be at that time, I end up wide awake around 1am, having these weird feeling around me, trying really hard to sleep, panja knows this coz I buzz him at 1am dat time. I was playing my DS and listening to music on my handphone till I fall asleep, which is probably around 3-4am, I woke up again around 6 or 7am after that.

    I don’t really know wut really triggered that but the sound of the washer near our room somehow got to my nerves. But it’s all gewd, at least it was only a nite there. Hehe *kasi senang ati..

    Anyways, what “blue wira of doom”? @_@

  2. Acom says:

    I hate thinking about things I have no answers to. *sigh*

  3. Xander says:

    acom> so do I but ‘those things’ do creep up on ya once awhile…which sux to the max..hehe

    mass> byk ‘benda’ up there we cant see tht, hehehe…

  4. Shemah says:

    Okay.. I admit I haven’t been stalking you long enough to know what you’re talking about.

    But I guess if all life’s questions were answered, we wouldn’t get to “discover” who we really are and our purpose in life.. It would be just a vicious and boring life cycle to live.

    Besides, we wouldn’t get to ask silly questions
    like, “Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? or Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? 😛

    anyways, all the best in your quest to solve life’s questions. 😉

  5. Xander says:

    Shemah> why Tarzan doesn’t have a beard? Damn, ya kan…I also wonder lah…mcm tidak cukup hormones jer mau kasi tumbuh facial hair..hehehe!

  6. Xander says:

    Oh yes boss..very very silent hill-ish…if there was a woman in white cloth suddenly jump outta no where I dont know what’ll happen to the crew…hahaha!

    Cheers!

  7. karulann says:

    Wah so freaky looking at the fog fill road. I just came back from Genting, and the way down from there was just like that… Cannot see what is in front… And LOL I think you should just langgar the women in white… *evil grin* just in case la…

  8. Acom says:

    I know what you mean Zal. Them questions just keep banging themselves inside our heads it’s a wonder our brains aren’t soup.

    Wouldn’t it be nice to have an off button that you could use once in awhile?

  9. Xander says:

    acom> but thats’ what being humans are about ain’t it? And I so wish I do have an ‘off’ button too..just once..to ‘block’ out ‘everything’ in life..but then again..if I DO have a button..Do I..Dare I push that button? I’ll never know…

  10. Acom says:

    Good question. 0_o

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