Archive for November, 2008

For every beginning there must be an end… and the end of this blog has come. Certain priorities have been thrust upon me especially close to the end of the year.. and I must get to them.. but to those that know me well, tis’ not the reason why I’m closing this blog for good. This blogs’ journey must come to an end..

First time I started was …. to find my answer…to find meaning.. to find… my ‘closure’.. It was a journey worth remembering for the rest of my existence and no matter what people have said in the past did not matter…cause what people say about you is NONE of your business, its theirs.

Whats in the past NEVER did matter, and I failed to learn that earlier than I ought to; but I have reached my closure; my ‘enlightenment’ if you will ladies and gentlemen. Some of you might be asking why not wait the year end? Well, somethings in life you simply cannot delay any longer.

“..careful when you’re digging up the past, you might just find what you’ve been looking for..” which is more BS in my case… but a good BS… ok that ‘sounded’ wrong didn’t it… look at it this way… a burden have been lifted from my chest, thats’ the best I can explain it. Qada & Qadar is what my ‘people’ calls it.. and I’ve come to terms with it.. with a calm and soothed heart and soul I finally have… but with great heaviness and utter indisposition, I have to end this blog.

To those that is new to this blog you might find the rest ‘utterly’ boring(starting with this paragraph), so I apologize to both friends and family beforehand. So I dedicate this last of last enrty, last of last post, my last ‘drop of soul’ to my closest of friends and family who have contributed directly in my journey {in no particular order}; Borneon Ninja, Radzie, Eshark, .. and to everyone in the blogosphere out there.

A very, very special thanks and respect to both Fina and Tania, for making my journey that much less agonizing through out this year. (Sorry peeps can’t really ‘link’ Fina or Tania.. and the answer is NO, they are not fictional.. I’m ending a blog, not writing a suicide note) And a special thanks to Matt (wordpress Big-Boss).

I’m neither good with poems nor poetry… but what else may I write upon this last entry?…

In less than a year I have found my closure,
A grand play designed by by own fear,
A theater of my own creation,
Unknowing of its nature upon completion.
With every breath I strive to find,
What has been bothering my feeble mind,
With every step my burdens are lessened,
with every second my soul is weakened.
Writing in the dark upon a note pad I did,
keeping me warm through this cold night they did,
with my close friends from perhaps Europe & America,
by the names of Jack Daniels and Chivas haha!!
My acquaintance lying next to me I kind of forgotten the name,
I’ll probably wait till she wakes up cause I find this quite lame,
when I could be typing all this without effort in a PC,
you’d expect to see a laptop around since she owns a Beemer M3.
Men are weird creatures aren’t we? ,
I still could not understand you see,
Finding remedy for a wound caused by the same ‘venom’,
This fact and reality I could never fathom.
I had to write down what is pouring out of me,
So I wouldn’t lose anything precious & pure to me,
of course by now you are reading this in its electronic form,
unless a tree fell down and knocked the cables down cause of a storm.
Everyone has their own ‘fuel’ in life,
Simply to live longer and survive,
This world is already in a complete mess,
I’m merely trying to cope up just like the rest.
There are many like me & then there are not,
one thing for sure a hypocrite I am not,
I’m merely saying we live our lives the way we see fit,
hoping to see the light one day even though only a glimmer bit by bit.
Upon my barren wasteland I carefully tread,
my footsteps slow but my foot prints quickly fade,
one wrong step or one wrong turn I know I shall fall,
into the great abyss which its’ name I cannot recall.
What I taste and feel in the real world,
full of life, laughter and even shiny pearl,
is far different from what is underneath this facade,
empty dark voids which cannot be filled with even a Mardi-Gras parade.
But seeing those sights, sounds and colors,
full of smiles cheers and rich with culture,
from within Borneo my own backyard,
having traveled so far it eases the agony and pain is less hard.
waiting for Ninja for an hour as he uses the lodges toilet,
almost wanted to break the door down with a mallet,
but the panoramic views and ‘the drunken-helmet’ guy was funny and amazing,
even though deep inside at that time I was still tormented and agonizing,
the chick at the bar was quite a looker too,
and yes Zie, she lives in Luyang I knew,
the village was lilke something I pictured in a dream,
only that in my dreams the dancers were Japanese and Latinas it seems.
The ‘tour’ was great and an adventure worth writing about,
and yes it will be logged in borneotrekkerz from time to time no doubt!
for sure a lot in the ‘circle’ wants to know,
what else happened while we were at the ‘southern” tip of Borneo?
the rhyming is off, of that I am sure,
what else can I say about my closure,
except for the fact that I started it for a reason,
and since I’ve done with my search I am complacent.
complacent of the fact that I have been given the answers,
to my questions along  my journey so arduous,
though I should’ve expected the ‘unexpected’,
so that once I found them the wounds could still be treated.
but the answers that I have discovered were far from comforting,
the fact that I actually reached the end of this journey is more than a blessing,
we as human beings cannot expect too much of this life,
we can only aspire to better ourselves and face all challenges or strife,
A suffering you feel today would be felt by another tomorrow,
but you will never know what kind of torment they’re going through;what kind of sorrow,
and if you think for a second you have had or is having the worst fate than the rest,
just remember we are mere micro specks of life and the world is already a mess.
but that doesn’t mean that our lives must end simply because the world seems to be,
just have to stick your chest out and keep your head up and face it with a glee,
so don’t wait for your ‘calling’ but instead chase it,
you’ll never know along your journey someone might take it,
Sometimes I amaze myself with the ‘opposites’
I thought I was kind of a ‘ditz’
But what has ‘transpired’ in that car,
Was Xander’s best moment of 2008 so far!!

There’s a reason why its’ always night somewhere around the world because its always daytime on the opposite side of the horizon. A fact that I learned a little too late, but at least I did and its’ better than never. I DID say I SucK at poems…

Last but not least… for 7 months… of the 7 years that I have wasted

Farewell …

P.S: I’m not ‘dead’ per-se… you can still find me at and