Archive for December, 2011

A Welcome Emptiness…

Posted: December 22, 2011 in life, ramblings

I never thought I’d welcome this emptiness that I have inside right now. Its’ been a long time coming but some things in life one cannot drag, stretch or delay for far too long. Maybe there is such a thing as quitting while you’re ahead but when there’s so much shit you’ve gone through in the shortest amount of time which can crack a sane man into lunacy; sometimes you just have to put your feet down and say ‘Enough is enough’. And there is no shame or wrongness in quitting early if you have thought out thoroughly what you are going to get yourself into and have weighed out the pros and cons carefully and in detail.

And yes I can be ‘very’ detailed… even in relationships. Maybe that’s my weakness? Maybe its’ a blessing… maybe its’ just me being me. Or maybe some people just can’t read English properly any more because all they do is watch ASTRO RIA 24/fucking-7(a local tv channel full of crap shows and NON-English speaking idiots).

Yes I am digressing too much of something you couldn’t fathom yet, but bear with me. What I’m trying to say is… don’t ever let go of who you are…who you TRULY are. Not for anyone or anything no matter what the consequences may be. Yes, at times we give in and we take from people around us as we accept their weaknesses and appreciate their strengths; But how would one respond to someone that took a whole lot more than you gave in? I’m not talking about 50/50 here, more like 80/20. What happens then?

You’d have lost some of yourself and gave in some of you that makes you who you are and become something completely contrary and altered altogether. Especially true when you are the compliant type and your friend or partner is the cantankerous and recalcitrant type.

How would I describe my life these past four months? Felt like a male praying-mantis with the exception of being killed after mating, I was maimed, ridiculed and disrespected as well as scrutinize meticulously each and every time I utter a word or did something which is disapproved by her.

Trust me folks, when you feel you are not the same person you were 2 months before and you know you are not being a better person for it. Drop the A-Bomb, leave the fucking building or in my case; pack your suitcase and take that fucking plane and fly your ass back to familiar grounds!

And yes, I am talking about relationship. In this instance mine. And, No… I’m not gonna rant about her though I already did so in a few words or more but since I felt nothing as I ended it; why waste precious space on the server? But don’t get me wrong, the remnants of what had been and of the past will come back to haunt any one even me~ why?

Because we are just humans and we are capable of feeling anything… especially Emptiness.

Thank you and good night, cause its’ always dark somewhere on this globe… welcome back Xander. Welcome back…