Have you ever wondered where are we headed? Have you ever wondered how would your life be if you were born into a different family? And have you ever wondered for some reason, you just can’t explain why you are living a life that you know has a purpose yet you cannot put your finger to what is bothering you every waking hour of your life?
Like something is missing, yet you feel all is well. Complacent with what you have and what you have to go through in life, and as sure as you are you still have this cantankerous cognizance [nagging consciousness] that your whole life; from the moment you were born till now: is for something you can’t explain? Is it for nothing? Surely that is not the answer…
You wake up, brush your teeth and have breakfast..go to your 9-5 work or if you’re a businessman/woman you’d do your rounds at the office, manage your staff, work your rounds around the many departments that you have. Pick up your children from school and get back home for lunch.
And at night you have dinner, or go out with friends and have a good round of drinks at your local pub and have a pint or two or in Malaysia you might end up at the usual ‘Teh-Tarik’ place in wherever ‘mamak’ you frequent. Talk over about your day, your crappy job and the snotty new secretary in Human Resources; or complain about the Wall Street market keep going down and down and you’re losing money every second you open your mouth to chug that Budweiser or Caramel Machiatto.
When the night comes to an end, you drive home and tuck your children to bed, maybe read them a story from one of J.K.R’s books; or you go on-line and check your mails and network friends that you have and scroll around for the latest juicy news or the most bizarre of stories you can find. And when all that is done your eyes starts to glaze, and some might even drool in front of their computer or even fall asleep completely there and then.
And morning comes; and before you even contemplate for a second why are you putting the toothpaste on your toothbrush or before you wipe off that drool from your face, you start doing all that you did the day before. The answer that people would normally give at this point is ‘That’s Life..’.
Well ‘Duuh!!’, what else is it then, Death? We go through it regardless whether we want to or not, yes? But who would NOT want to ‘live life’ eh? Surely you can’t ‘Live death’,…that doesn’t make sense, hell, even the sentence doesn’t make ANY sense at all. The point is, purpose…if one is so gratified with what he/she have in this life, then why keep going through it for the rest of your existence? To survive? Surely there are more ways than one to survive. Why go through the same routine 24/7 when all you do is to survive? To live life to its fullest?
To continue the human existence then..?Makes sense, and also the most obvious..to procreate and keep the family tree growing, to continue ones’ legacy or some such. To fall in love? How romantic, yet naive at the same time. To enjoy everything this world could offer? Pretentious as most people know you are, sure go ahead, why not?
But when you feel the chill of the night creep straight into your bones and when you lift up your blanket to wake up in the morning yet it weighs a ton, the slightest sound of children laughing stings your head as your grand-kids come running into your bedroom to wake grandpa up. When you blow the candles on your birthday cake and you can barely blow all of them because there were so many. When you wake up 5 times in the middle of the night just to pee, and walking to the toilet is a pain to every joint on your body.
Or worse when everything seems dark to you yet the sun is shining through the blinds from a window as you find yourself in a white room…and you hear the wheezing sound of your strained breathing through your respirator and as torpid as your eyes are you squint them just to see the blips on the screen on your left. And as indistinctly as you did, you could hear the words ‘Anytime now..’ , and at this moment your eyes gets watery for some reason as the last words you will probably hear in this world are the incoherent and sobbing voice trailing every syllable ‘Grandpa’s taking a long sleep sweetie..’
Immortality surely doesn’t exist yet some might argue with me, a very small percentage of the human population on this planet I assure you. So what is it about our whole existence that just doesn’t quite have a meaning? I mean even now humans are ‘speeding up’ the process with wars, genocide, famine and disease. Humanity is already spiraling into chaos and mayhem and our planet is already in some ways giving up on humans simply because we ourselves are gave up on her, so what IS the purpose in all these routines which is Part of Life?
And at that point in your life there is still that acrimonious apprehension deep in your subconsciousness, and its far away in the back of your head simply because its convenient for us humans to do so, because we are capable of ignorance. Ignorance that started all the wars, ignorance continued the famine, ignorance gave birth to genocide and ignorance in more ways than one sustain and cultivate diseases in this world.
Though there is more to life than just continuing a Legacy, or to bare children and grandchildren and to pass on values/morals that one could never uphold in their life time. And I’m not promoting suicide among the masses, there are enough literature and Hollywood movies for that…
For every beginning, there is always an end. Towards that End, all the choices that we have made or have yet to make in the future. And all of them has a meaning in itself, its only up to us to learn from it or to simply try to forget what we cannot undo.
The incalculable loss from a bad investment. Impulsive decisions that caused you a dear friend that you knew almost all your life. The tattoo that you wished you didn’t get because you didn’t know he was screwing your sister. The ‘job’ you wished you didn’t take not knowing that having blood on your hands will haunt your dreams forever. Bitterness that you felt the moment you knew the feeling, care,compromise, and trust was almost non-existent yet at that crucial moment you did not do anything and continued your pathetic and worthless life.
So to me, to continue living in this world, in the end, is simply. . .to Fade. . . Away. . .