Posts Tagged ‘past’

Is crying..an escape to another place. To somewhere, where you can be anyone you wished you couldn’t in front of so many that you know..or don’t know? When one sheds’ his or her tears…will it really make things better. When one cries unexpectedly when receiving such good news of a newborn child; knowing that you are a mother/father now and life will be more beautiful. When it all happens so fast…if you feel your cheeks wet with tears running down from those eyes of yours…’where’ are you? Whats’ happening?

A joyous occasion or a painful tragedy. Whatever the case, tears flow easily from our eyes when situations like these arise. But what happens when…at a certain point…where you just can’t cry anymore. No matter how ‘strong’ the emotions running through you at that moment. Even as you lay your head on your pillow to sleep; the pain is so strong within and it somehow actually feels ‘physically’ agonizing. No matter how hard you try, not a single drop of tear fall from your eyes. Then what?

Does it mean you’re heartless? Without emotions. Without conscience and free of guilt? Or does it simply mean..you’re ‘growing up’…you’ve matured..and you’ve become ‘stronger’ now more than ever?…They say ‘don’t hold it in…let it out..yell or cry..’…what happens then when you can’t even yell or shout it out? You’re completely dumb-founded. You’re wondering to yourself..’Whats happening to me?’. And is it a good thing that you’re not crying? Not yelling it out?

Amongst the festivities and celebrations. Awesome events of joy and happiness..you’re at the corner of a large stage…thinking,..feeling…but not knowing why you just can’t let it out. When all these powerful emotions running through your mind..heart and soul. You just simply can’t understand the logic. What if you’re stuck in this limbo of enigma that is threatening your very being? Will you be stuck forever? Will you stop ‘feeling’ anything anymore?

What if by the end of the day…you are completely ‘stagnant’ deep inside..neither feeling happiness or sadness anymore? Will it lead to this? Nothing is black or white to you anymore…everything is completely ‘gray’. Will it drive you to madness and insecurity? Will it lead you to your doom and inevitable confusion for the rest of your life? You’re neither stuck on the past anymore..but you don’t feel like moving forward sometimes either…this situation completely baffles me.

Will I be saved in the future…more importantly do I want to be saved even? Have I ‘tailored’ myself so I won’t ‘feel anything’ anymore? Is that even possible…even this would lead to more questions. Unanswered as they are already. Are humans capable of this? Is there a scientific or psychiatric term for this condition? Everything’s bottled up inside and nowhere to go…do I need to break the bottle now? To say that I don’t care or don’t mind…I would be lying to myself…would be lying to yourself if you’re in my predicament too.

Only thing ‘running’ right now is my nose and this stupid flu. Maybe I got them from the ‘Hornbills’ but then again I didn’t get to see any this past weekend; I did get to see gorgeous women from our neighbours and exceptional performances; awesome as it were. Crazy…thats’ all I can say…and…blissful…amongst the joyous and memorable celebration of culture, colors and multiracial society; one sits in the corner feeling…or more appropriate unfeeling …anything.

A safety mechanism kicking in?…A powerful ’emotional and mental’ barrier subconsciously switched on after so long being dormant and unused maybe? …maybe…then again…maybe traveling to new places and seeing so many new faces…was the trigger that I needed…And maybe, I’m comfortable with it? Hmm…

I don’t fly around your ‘Fire’ anymore, burned inside and out so many times before … – Audioslave

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Letting Go. . .

Posted: May 23, 2008 in life
Tags: , , , ,

Sometimes its hard. Sometimes its easy. It all depends on what or who you have to let go. Whether you must or you simply should, it doesn’t matter. Sometimes letting go is a release of some sort. Its an escape. Its a start of a new beginning for you. But before you can begin life anew, you must let go.

Forgetting the past and let everything else flow through. Life can’t go on if you’re still hung up on something that could ruin your days ahead. Why is it so hard letting go a precious jewel, a priceless moment in your life but knowing full well that you should? You seek answers to millions of questions that pop into your head.

You make a list of pros and cons if you do let go of something that you probably think might not get a chance to experience again in the future. Sometimes that list doesn’t even make any sense. Just like holding onto the past; most of the time it just doesn’t make any logical sense at all. Funny thing is, sometimes in life you are the one being let go

Sometimes you become the burden in someone else’s life. Or you became their predicament. Or at least having you in their lives would deter them from growing and maturing; living life as they should. Yeah,.a burden. As much as other people or moments that pulls you down and roots you firmly, stagnant and unmoving.

Which is easier you think? Being let go…or letting go..of something…of someone. Or is it both quite a predicament in itself? A moment in life, a dark chapter in your history…maybe it is a blessing if you are able to. Or maybe its a curse waiting to jump out and scare the living hell out of you…

A blessing and a curse then…sometimes the weights on our shoulders are too hard for us alone to carry. And to move on and take a further step in life we must somehow get rid of it. Even we ourselves unaware as we mostly are, could also be burdens to other people in our lives. We just don’t know it…and others’ that are our burdens also don’t know it too. Or all of us are simply being ignorant of what we actually know. Take your pick.

So maybe in doing so, both could benefit from letting go and/or being let go. Somehow it becomes a cycle in life. All in all its beneficial and compulsory to let go…and as you go through with your life, you are the one being let go. But when that happens there’s no need to frown. Its a cycle, vicious as it is; its’ life.

Just rejoice in the fact that either letting go or otherwise; there’s always a lesson to be learned. Always a reason for it to happen too. So chill,…its’ awesome indeed to go through this life without having to ponder too much about such trivial matters. Yes,..its trivial. Cause’ its in the past. Trying to label it as other than that would only drive one crazy; which is okay if you like spending the rest of you life in a mental institute..;]

“There’s nothing wrong to wonder about the past or future once awhile; but not at the expense of the present.”- [K]

[Then why am I…so.. FuckeD-Up ‘inside’?…]

The title, in no particular order..or simply I just screwed up the order if there is one. One of the few things in life that happens to be constant...Change. A transformation, modification, alteration, permutation, variation. All the same. Just with more syllables no matter the name. Just like the winds of the four seasons. Just like your hairstyle from January to May. Just like your attire and your favorite jewelery/’Blings’. Or even your tastes in club, either its music or its newfound atmosphere.

Some changes are welcomed by most people. Some are…well..some people are not ready for changes. Sometimes we aren’t aware of changes that is happening around us too. Simply because we were too busy with life or simply because we were blissful in our ignorance about life. In other words yeah,…we were too busy with handling our day to day bullshit.

For me, change is very, very important. No matter what type of change comes along. Just gotta take it. Especially change that comes out of nowhere. Like one of my buddies that went to join the army. Yeah that was a surprise, back then. He played the game Counter-Strike almost everyday and night. I guess he just got fed up with using a gun in the computer screen he decided to hold a real rifle instead. Cool dude…somewhat ‘loco’ at times but cool. And he got darker too…the jungle..duuh.

To some of us, we need something or someone to ‘trigger’ that change within. Maybe an inspiration..maybe a tragedy…maybe due to the stagnant way we live in our respective countries…maybe you know its about time and procrastinating it any longer would only cause you to change in a somewhat different manner that causes more predicament for you in the future. And changing yourself is the only answer. Or even changing those around you, but good luck in doing that.

I’m not saying one should change for another person though sometimes its good to do so. I am saying change…no matter why you do it…or for whom…or for whatever reason(s) you might have; change goes hand-in-hand with Time. Since time has yet to stop, change would never stop either. Just like a human being which is biologically would not stop growing till you hit 25. Or maybe that statistics have changed somewhat now. You know, new drugs; new diseases, new government policy in stem-cell research.

New ideas, new visions and dreams. New ambitions and passions in life. These all can be the gleam that one needs to change. For the betterment of ones’ self. Sometimes seeing new changes around us, either our friends or family or the society we live in could also encourage us to change. Envy and jealousy is also a ‘trigger’ for someone to change actually; and its a powerful emotion indeed. Though it can be destructive in the future. Same goes for greed and vanity.

History also have taught us that change is important within any society. To go with the flow. So as part of that society we need to..from time to time. But not completely. Who we truly are and how we carry ourselves in life; that somehow we need to retain. Changing is a process best done carefully, better yet systematically; evolve step-by-step if you can. Most importantly do it while observing the things happening around you.

Always be true to yourself no matter what the condition(s) and/or people expect or want from you. Yes we all have bad habits or certain perks that needs changing. Smoking is bad. Drinking too much also. Not sleeping more than 5-6 hours everyday is also bad. So evolve…but slowly do so. Because if we change too much and too fast…especially for someone else, we lose ourselves in the process. And that,…is more detrimental for your psyche’ than anything else. Its like having multiple-personality. Its like being a puppet for another human being, lest you enjoy that I don’t know.

By the end of the week or few months from now. If there are certain aspects in your life, or the lives that revolves around that you know should change or at least worth taking time considering to change. Maybe it is time. Maybe it is overdue even. And maybe…it is even worth it in the end. All you have to do…is try. You’ll never know unless you do right?

With times we change. As do civilizations. As do the technology and the web. Even governments change eventually. Since we’re in it, might as well go with the flow. BUT change is only good if you do it for the better and not to make things worst for you in the future. Some changes does have a way of screwing other things or people in your life, but such are the price you must pay.

Thats why I said be careful when you do. Some price you pay are worth it, and some just simply going to screw you up eventually. Change..does not come without a price. There always is, always were and always will be a price. Its up to you to consider the price you must pay. And pay them you will if you want change to happen. Some price paid would eventually have change come to you faster than others. While some changes would take sometime to come to fruition. Depends on the price you’re willing to pay of course.

Change will take time. Even ‘fast’ change takes some time. As things changes around or within us so does everything else in this world. And as changing is a process, it will take some effort from you or with the people around you. Once you have changed; hopefully you will see a brighter future before you. Or one you’ve created for the people around you or your society even. Or your nation if you’re that patriotic.

Why is it though, that some people,society or even nations that have changed…somehow changing drastically…again. Its like they are making more changes than needed. Its’ like going back to square one. I know some people like this. I know one particular country that is like this. I guess thats why its best to take it one step at a time when it comes to change.

Take a break..have a Kit Kat..take a ‘chill-pill’…have a ‘quickee’ while you’re at it…just take sometime to evaluate whats happening….and when you get to where you wanted; take a loooonger break…have two servings of Mega-Mac…try the ‘reverse-cowgirl’…drop your PC from the top floor of Twin-Towers…. Don’t over-evolve into something that belongs in a mental hospital or the ‘jungle’.

Significant and consequential changes in life. Thats’ a goal better achieved than others. Whatever you do,…don’t lose yourselves in this ever-changing world. Cause the world is going through enough bullshit as it is.