Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

Complacency. Stagnant. Uninspired. Procrastination. Not much else comes to mind. But I do know these ‘attributes’ leads to other ‘down-falls’ to the human society. I need not list those out. Its’ not like you’re NOT from planet earth if you’re reading this. Then again who knows, maybe I’m just getting the X-Files ‘vibes’ due to the fact that its next movie is coming out.

A lot of people I know are in this state. Shit, I know I’m one of them but thank God I hit my head on the pavement of a sidewalk one night last December; which included the hard excruciatingly painful sound of a ‘thump’ deep in my soul. And with it, a multitude of ego that was weighing me down and have been rooting me to the ground for so long has suddenly . . .mysteriously. . . disappeared.

It does ‘creep’ its ugly head at me sometimes, but then again I remembered the fucking agonizing ‘thump’ that I received and I beat the fucking hell out of that ‘head’ till it’s gone and crying back home to mama. Because I know if that ‘head’ crept up and stayed around too long, I might get ‘reacquainted’ with it and the whole bullshit ‘routine’ would sink into me again. Which was obviously un-fucking-‘ceptable!!

The ‘routine’ was shattered and all that is left was an empty husk of a creature among the billions in this world. Just another speck of life, yes; there is still life ‘beating’ inside that empty husk. That beaten and trodden-down shell of a man. And it walks and breathes like he never did. EVER!

It’s funny how sometimes humans need a little ‘push’ to drive them forward. Sometimes it takes a new love, a new friend or even a soul mate. Sometimes it takes a new Audi A4 to literally move you forward!(you know who you are you lucky bastard!) and then some just needs a little ‘guidance’. Though that guidance could be misinterpreted as a sign of ‘judgment’. In other words, one might feel ‘judged’ as being weak because someone or something is helping them to move forward in life. Well don’t!

Everyone is weak one way or another. I learned that you ‘need’ to show your weakness once in a blue moon just to let those very close to you know, that you are only…human. We all are. And in seeing that, they too might learn to be human themselves. Some people thinks that they are above the law, some thinks that fucking up a foreign country is for the betterment of their future and some would even go as far as ‘thinking’ that they don’t need to feel anything in this world in order to be human.

I learned it the hard way, painful way, the best way. The best lessons in life are the ones where you have your ego, self-centeredness and ignorant attitude towards life/people; crushed within minutes and seconds. And at that point you wonder to yourself, ‘Where or what the fuck was I doing all those years?’. Maybe not exactly those words but somewhat close to that.

I’m not telling you to get a life. I am asking though, are you that so much happy in your current state that you do not pursue your dreams or do not wish to alter your routines in life simply because you’re afraid that the very skies will start crumbling down upon you? Would you not see it through this life with a brand new cycle, not like the same 24/7 bullshit you have to put up with right now?

Get inspired! Seize the moment! Go commando if thats’ your thing! Unless you have the blood of an Immortal running through your veins, you know you only have one shot at life. Never stop moving and never tire to improve your standards, set the bars higher than before. Fuck the normal standards that people simply put up with just because they were ‘programmed’ to accept it since the day they were born. Fuck it!!

So whatever your cup of tea is, splash something else other than lemon.(I hear honey is good.) May it be that 4000 dollar DSLR, that MacBook Pro you’ve been wet-dreaming since it was first announced or that new condo/house which you and ONLY you own and live in which you could turn into a cluster-fuck party of chicks walking in and out of your bed(or bathroom, garage, kitchen table, etc) without a care in the world. Tired and hungry from all the extra curricular activities involved of course.

So whatever or however you do it, make sure you look up the words up at the first paragraph in the dictionary. And ‘reprogram’ yourself day in and day out to do the OPPOSITE! Nothing is constant in life except Time…and Death. Unless you are ‘related’ to Grim Reaper himself then you might have no worries at all.

I’m not saying my life is perfect. Shit! Far from it, but even farther than being rooted to the fucking ground and not doing anything about it! It’s a journey. And as all journeys it will take more than just time, It will take perseverance, persistence, enthusiasm and patience.

And if possible don’t do it alone. I’m not asking you to get married or confess your love to the ‘next-best-thing/table-scraps’ or anything like that. Family and friends does come to mind, why don’t start from there eh?

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Lost. . .

Posted: May 17, 2008 in life
Tags: , , , ,

Its easy for people to fall…but why is it harder to ‘get up’ from that fall. So we could learn to pick ourselves up? So we might be better to handle another fall in the future?..hopefully.. To persevere and survive as we all must. But still the question remains,..why do we easily fall…especially falling for some one.

Worst than falling for someone…is getting lost in someone. Why do we lose ourselves so easily when we fall for someone? And have you ever wondered why is it so hard to fall ‘out’ of love too? This whole shit terribly sucks, I know. But what can we do…humans are made that way. Being lost in someone is far worse than falling in love with someone. Trust me, there is a BIG difference here.

Some shit in this world happens for a reason…but Love? There is no reason for it. It just fucking happens mate! And I’m not saying that in a ‘jolly-and-funny’ kind of way. Whats worse than it simply happening to you is that love mostly happens at the most unexpected time and usually at a point in your life where you are preoccupied with something more important. But lets’ not kid ourselves. When you’re ‘struck’ by that ‘deep-warm’ feeling inside, usually you can’t get him/her out of your head now can you?

With that said, its usually far worse when you are lost in someone. Lost within their very soul, very mind and heart. Completely understanding that person like no other have ever could. Within the chrysalis of his/her soul you became one with that person. And no matter how hard you try, you could not escape. No matter where you run or where you turn. Weird part is…deep inside yourself you want to be lost in their world, their dreams..their lives. You enjoy every moment of it. You bask in the atmosphere that they live in.

But what happens when that person suddenly…disappears from your life? Getting yourself lost in someone is stronger than love…or being in love with someone. Its both a dangerous path to take…and a wonderful adventure too. I call it an adventure because it is one. Getting lost within someone surpasses love…why?..because its an infatuation, a powerful obsession…a euphoric journey that you do not wish for it to end. And life as it seems, will end it for you….especially when you feel like you’re almost ‘there’.

So when that person suddenly vanish from your very existence? Suddenly decides maybe you’re too much too handle? Or simply because you or that person just doesn’t have time enough for it anymore? What happens to your ‘journey’? Your longing? Your dreams? Your imaginations? All I can say is this; if I was 15 years younger I’d be a complete idiot about it and blame God and people and go all EMO on the world. Luckily for me I grew up ‘with’ Kurt Cobain, Axl Rose, STP, Pantera and Metallica by my side so I’m not completely screwed up.

Simply tell yourselves, “Life is not only about one journey; its an accumulation of adventures as long as you draw breath in this world.”

And to ‘thee’,…twas’ a wonderful adventure and the most magnificent experience being lost within you. Maybe someday we’ll meet again. No one dared to do what you did. No one could achieve what you have. Maybe next time I’ll put up a warning sign, because you.. got lost within me . . .

Opportunities…challenges…adversities…people…tragedy….so many words that could describe the bullshit we have to go through in life. I call em’ ‘doors’….for now.

Even though ‘new doors’ appears before you, you can’t help but look at ‘old doors’ that are already closed in the past. Its’ ‘closed’ because you chose to close it. You CHOSE to do so. New doors opening up before you?..now that you CAN’T choose. You CAN choose to look around for new doors…can try picking which one to open,…but wanting it to open by itself?….yeah..that part you definitely cannot choose.

Try as you may, you might even steer away from new opportunities, new people…new ‘prospects’…but when it comes to the matters of the ‘heart’…you really, really have no choice in it whatsoever. Oh yeah, you always have a choice who you wish to meet or what challenges you want to try next. When and where or how you want to plan it.

Now, what I’m trying to say is (since I myself ‘lost’ in my own…whatever) new opportunities opens up through out our lives and sometimes we are too busy to care to even check it out. I mean, new people…new things…new hurt and new pain…BUT…it could also be..new wonders..new blessing…new happiness…new bed…new ‘rubber’...sheesh I don’t know about you but what ever it is please ‘be careful'(be safe too). Be wary of new ‘things’ that presents itself to us in our lives. Even roses has its thorns right?

So you get my meaning…but also…be mindful and observant of those that ‘re-new’ the feelings of pain and sorrow within you. Even these people, could be….something else altogether, if you take the time to learn…to understand and mostly …when you take your time to…listen carefully to what they have to say…or what they wish to share with you.

As I said before, we tend to look back into the past. There are regrets and there are griefs. Happiness and sorrows. Why can’t we be simply…’vegetables’? Its easier I think. No feelings’, no mind, and definitely no fuckin’ worries on what to do about old or new opportunities opening up before us.

Think of it as a ‘blessing in fuckin’ disguise’…no matter how crazy that sounds.

One of the weirdest part about life( or doors)? Sometimes a ‘door’ suddenly disappears on you…yeah…they just went off and go ‘poof!!’…it could be an old door(due to old age…some shit you dont even remember anymore) or a new one that just appeared before you recently. Why something like this could happen? Well, I have a few guesses only. But one would be, we never paid attention to the small details that was right there in front of us. The signals that is so bright as the sun, with bells ringin’ so loud. We chose to be blind and deaf for a moment. . .

And yeah maybe somethings aren’t meant to be explored in your life . So let it be…but suddenly having a new door disappear on you? Especially a door that ‘opened’ by itself before you; that willingly shared everything with you, and you in turn did the same…hmmm…I’m still in puzzlement. This is the kind of door that you simply can’t let it pass you by. So what happened?..When did it happen?…Why did it happen? Actually, What the Fuck happened!!?…tee hee hee..

Still in a bit state of shock…I could only share with you my friends, what one of my idols in life said once…

” YOU CAN SPEND MINUTES, HOURS, DAYS, WEEKS OR EVEN MONTHS OVER-ANALYZING A SITUATION; TRYING TO PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER, JUSTIFYING WHAT COULD’VE, WOULD’VE HAPPENED…OR YOU CAN JUST LEAVE THE PIECES ON THE FLOOR AND MOVE THE FUCK ON ”

Tupac Amaru Shakur