Posts Tagged ‘life’

Cobwebs…thats what I see in my blog..:)..its been ten days since the last post..way longer than ‘normal’ for even me. Not blogging from home either right now…even in my room there has cobwebs everywhere…so to make sure I don’t blog about Spiders just like the title I am bloggin’ this from my friends’ place. She is nice enough to let me use her PC..among… other…’stuff’..koff koff.

“So whatcha’ been up to?”..or “WTF have you been?”…or more of a ‘normality’ in my everyday life now…”You’re doing ‘what’ now?!”…so like yeah…what am I up to?..hmm..there are always two or three sides of a story…so I’ll tell ya ‘my’ side of the story which is more important..plus..its not like this blog revolves around someones’ life or even someones’ life revolves around this blog..hmm..’kinda’ makes some sense there..not sure.

Been to new places and been seeing new places…damn I love KORN!!…sorry…I’m listening to em’ while typing this. So like..hmm..let me see…yeah, new places. And new faces. But more importantly, why I haven’t been posting up anything is due to the fact that I have lit up my pain with fire, and danced over the ashes. Feels sooo damn gooood.

You get my meaning. Among other things also..I am tired…simply sick and tired…actually sickand tired OF being sick and tired. Day by day I am feeling ‘colder’ inside but it feels so damn good. Yeah, sounds weird and not really a positive kinda feeling there either. But I don’t give a ShiT cause I feel free. No, No. Not in denial here. No, no…not in ignorance either…quite the contrary actually; I take everything in. Weighed them down. And know full well that I don’t need much of the BS I’m used to.

We don’t ‘grow-up’ just to give-up now do we? An evolution if you will. Maybe, when my friend wakes up, I could go and get something to eat cause with her cause she can’t cook for shit(not that I eat shit, mind you) but I’m just feeling hungry. Maybe grab a Nasi-Lemak(Awesomely delicious breakfast for Malaysians) later I don’t know. Its almost breakfast time anyway(around 6 a.m. now). Hmm…a closure for this blog will be up-and-running hopefully by Wednesday next week if I have time.

So why am I sick and tired of being sick and tired? Why is it that everyday I feel darker inside but I feel much better each day? Maybe I had an epiphany?…Hmm…I guess…all I can leave you with right now is…a glimpse…of a place full of wonder and excitement…of a place deep in heart(or close to it, my geography sucks!) of Borneo…on the foothills of a mountain (NO, you’re NOT getting a picture of MY Friend’s-‘Heavenly-Valleys’, so scram!)..tee hee hee.


Stay tuned…more to come of this…closure to an Acrimonious Journey. . .

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Opportunities…challenges…adversities…people…tragedy….so many words that could describe the bullshit we have to go through in life. I call em’ ‘doors’….for now.

Even though ‘new doors’ appears before you, you can’t help but look at ‘old doors’ that are already closed in the past. Its’ ‘closed’ because you chose to close it. You CHOSE to do so. New doors opening up before you?..now that you CAN’T choose. You CAN choose to look around for new doors…can try picking which one to open,…but wanting it to open by itself?….yeah..that part you definitely cannot choose.

Try as you may, you might even steer away from new opportunities, new people…new ‘prospects’…but when it comes to the matters of the ‘heart’…you really, really have no choice in it whatsoever. Oh yeah, you always have a choice who you wish to meet or what challenges you want to try next. When and where or how you want to plan it.

Now, what I’m trying to say is (since I myself ‘lost’ in my own…whatever) new opportunities opens up through out our lives and sometimes we are too busy to care to even check it out. I mean, new people…new things…new hurt and new pain…BUT…it could also be..new wonders..new blessing…new happiness…new bed…new ‘rubber’...sheesh I don’t know about you but what ever it is please ‘be careful'(be safe too). Be wary of new ‘things’ that presents itself to us in our lives. Even roses has its thorns right?

So you get my meaning…but also…be mindful and observant of those that ‘re-new’ the feelings of pain and sorrow within you. Even these people, could be….something else altogether, if you take the time to learn…to understand and mostly …when you take your time to…listen carefully to what they have to say…or what they wish to share with you.

As I said before, we tend to look back into the past. There are regrets and there are griefs. Happiness and sorrows. Why can’t we be simply…’vegetables’? Its easier I think. No feelings’, no mind, and definitely no fuckin’ worries on what to do about old or new opportunities opening up before us.

Think of it as a ‘blessing in fuckin’ disguise’…no matter how crazy that sounds.

One of the weirdest part about life( or doors)? Sometimes a ‘door’ suddenly disappears on you…yeah…they just went off and go ‘poof!!’…it could be an old door(due to old age…some shit you dont even remember anymore) or a new one that just appeared before you recently. Why something like this could happen? Well, I have a few guesses only. But one would be, we never paid attention to the small details that was right there in front of us. The signals that is so bright as the sun, with bells ringin’ so loud. We chose to be blind and deaf for a moment. . .

And yeah maybe somethings aren’t meant to be explored in your life . So let it be…but suddenly having a new door disappear on you? Especially a door that ‘opened’ by itself before you; that willingly shared everything with you, and you in turn did the same…hmmm…I’m still in puzzlement. This is the kind of door that you simply can’t let it pass you by. So what happened?..When did it happen?…Why did it happen? Actually, What the Fuck happened!!?…tee hee hee..

Still in a bit state of shock…I could only share with you my friends, what one of my idols in life said once…

” YOU CAN SPEND MINUTES, HOURS, DAYS, WEEKS OR EVEN MONTHS OVER-ANALYZING A SITUATION; TRYING TO PUT THE PIECES TOGETHER, JUSTIFYING WHAT COULD’VE, WOULD’VE HAPPENED…OR YOU CAN JUST LEAVE THE PIECES ON THE FLOOR AND MOVE THE FUCK ON ”

Tupac Amaru Shakur

How do you tell if you like someone. Actually how do you tell if you like someone when you ‘like’ someone. The romantically-term of like…or simply like? So like how would you tell if you like the person if simply for the looks or by that person’s…hmmm..personality? Funny thing about ‘liking’ someone usually it evolves into something else isn’t it?…’Something else’ similar maybe to an infatuation, fascination, passion or even obsession? Or maybe you just like the persons’ laughter..or his/her way of talking to people. Or maybe how that person expresses him/herself in a way different than others maybe? Wearing a clown suit to a Halloween would a bit off, so nothing too different okay.

Lets not go to the word ‘love’..at least not yet..maybe later. So what criteria are used most in evaluating someone whether you like them or not. I mean for guys its almost-always looks…and something else not entirely focused on looks for the ladies…but hey, no woman would be dumb enough to brush off a cute guy sipping his drink at the bar right? But then again, if the cute guy also happens to be picking his nose thinking no one was looking…hmmm..respect the lady who would actually let him shake her hand after seeing that.

There is also the type of ‘liking’ someone after first time meeting another guy. Maybe its the way he ‘carries’ himself, the way he moves…or the way he talks..lets just hope the guy doesn’t have bad breath once he opens his mouth. Then again women aren’t dumb. Not as dumb as us guys…Ok, I get it…if you’re so smart boys, why is it usually only us guys that starts drooling over beautiful women that passes us by when we’re sitting as the bar? And women still knows how to keep cool and act nonchalant as cute guys walk right pass by them…hmmm? In other words ‘drooling’ ain’t really a sign of intelligence now is it? But then again; guys don’t have to be smart around women, just a different type of smart thats’ all. ;]

I’m not saying women never actually ‘drool’ over good looking guys; just that they know how to do it in a manner that don’t make them end up looking like a proboscis monkey(spelling might be off there). But women are unique in a sense that, they’re not all too picky (at least not ALL) about looks per se. More of what they look for to trigger the ‘like’ word in their heads has more to do with how guys ‘present’ themselves. The only ‘presenting’ factor most guys(again, not ALL) look for are the “Heavenly-Valleys’ or hints of a beautiful ‘Greek-Goddess’ passing by.

Ever wondered why most of the time you see beautiful women walking around with slightly ugly or just average-looking guys instead of the other way around? Ahh yes, the somewhat myth or an age old factor of ‘The idiot monkey is a rich-f$$%!’..sorry to say this but; not all the ‘idiot monkeys’ are actually rich, well-off or has a FAT trust-fund. Actually most of the ‘idiot-monkeys’ that I personally know can’t even afford to take his hot girlfriend to Pizza Hut. Lets say only 1/3 of them are actually…just well-off and not ‘personally’ rich. Just daddy’s spoiled brat. I’m just lucky I’m friends with spoiled brats that aren’t assholes to his friends.

The way a guy talks, how he talks; especially what ‘crap’ or ‘grooviness’ comes outta his mouth. Sometimes even how he reacts to how people around them talks are some of the factors that leads a woman to actually like another guy. Hey sure, if he’s rich it’ll help. Cute butt, sure…but then again, why oh why is this world not spinning the way MOST men think it should? I was in K.L. a couple of years ago, and saw these ‘God-I-wanna-bash-your-face-to-the-pavement-all-day’ looking men, sitting on their ‘kap-chai'[cheap-ass motorbikes] chilling-out near Bukit Bintang area and sitting or snuggling up to them are these women you know that should either end up on the cover of SEVENTEEN magazine or FHM…not really in VIVID or PENTHOUSE magazine or anything like that..I’d probably kill myself on the spot if the chicks were THAT hot.

Hmm…should I get a Vespa then? Or maybe ‘I’ should scrape my face on the pavement to look like them?…naah..I’m good as it is and so are all the average-looking men out there. I’m just wondering how it ‘computes’. Which in the end, it DOESN’T, which I am fine with actually. Cause not all things in this world should be taken into consideration through simple logic and/or reason. If your friends think you should only try courting/pairing up with someone ‘in-your-own-league'[I.e-as butt ugly as you maybe?], then that would only mean they are using their logic and reason; not yours. Which is good. Cause its their ‘logic and reason’.

Why did I say its ‘good’? Because usually we’re not actually thinking when you ‘think’ you like someone. At least not for women…or men that is old enough to know what’s good for his health…or wallet ;].

Because if liking someone actually ‘should’ be evaluated through simple logic and reason. . . . then tell me,.. how do you explain …LOVE ?? Because this is the result of what liking someone would be in the end, one way or another isn’t it? You ‘think’ love has logic in it? You ‘think’ love has reason in it? Do you even ‘think’ for a fraction of a “1/4000 second-shutter-speed” moment that you were even THINKING when you’re IN love with someone.

Maybe I’m just an old fashioned dude, but I prefer to kiss first before I f*** so yeah I prefer to ‘like’ someone before anything else happens. But whatever you do, think..or even feel when you like someone; know that its cool to like or be liked by people…its just that sometimes when you like someone or being liked by another person; it tends to take you to ‘murky waters’. And sometimes we get lost…and worse; sometimes we actually want to get lost. Its okay to get lost, if you know how to find your way or someone could guide you back to safety.

Liking someone is cool,…liked by another person is even better,…getting yourself LOST? Hmm..trust me,you do not want to go there. . .